Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Letting it go, pumpkin by pumpkin

Dear Faith,

I don't know what it is, but I love pumpkins. I have to get my hands on anything and everything that is pumpkin related. So when your father and I decided to get married it was a no brainier that we would marry in the fall and have pumpkins galore at our wedding. In fact, I really wanted to get married in a pumpkin patch but your father, the voice or reason in this relationship, put his foot down, after all, "you never know what the weather is going to be like in October" (and I am glad he did b/c it poured all day on our big day).

I've dreamed of taking you to the pumpkin patch since were just a bumpkin in my tummy. Last year the hospital had a little pumpkin patch outside on the lawn. I really wanted to take you out but could not because you were in isolation. So THIS was the year we were going to take you to the patch. October has been a crazy month, and every weekend has been so busy. We planned our excursion for the third week of October. So of course that's the weekend everyone in the house gets sick. As I poured your daddy Ginger Ale and wiped your runny nose all I could think of were the rotting pumpkins and how every hour we were not there there was one less pumpkin to pick, one less pumpkin in pristine condition.

So in typical neurotic-mom-fashion I packed up the fam because WE WERE GOING TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH! In my head I envisioned you in an adorable fall outfit. The night before our excursion I headed out to Target to find this perfect outfit- the only holiday outfits they had had trees and reindeer on them (is it just me or does it get earlier and earlier each year)? This was the first thing I had to let go.

I also had very high expectations for pictures at the patch. I not only had you dressed in your perfect Autumn outfit in my head but had you smiling on hay bails, waving on tractors (since you have never waved before this was going to be your first time..) and a perfect family picture next to an assortment of fall decor.

As we drove in I picked out the perfect spot for hay bail pictures I noted to Brian that we'd hit it up before we left.

To my dismay you despised the pumpkin patch. The minute we set you down you started to bawl (this was a time we were thankful your cry is not audible). The sun was in your eyes, the wind was blowing dust in your face, the the crunch of the hay on your feet put you over the edge.

Not the day at the patch I had envisioned. Just a few pictures...that's all I wanted.... we quickly snapped some (as the batteries were dying) picked out a pumpkin (and no...they were not rotting like I had obsessed over the previous night- there were lots of beautiful pumpkins...we could have easily waited a few days to go and there would have been enough for us).

They were however, overpriced. Apparently your daddy and I are in the wrong business. If we had a patch of our own we'd break the bank just working one month of the year. I couldn't bring myself to pay $7 for multiple pumpkins, especially when they are $2.50 at Wal-Mart (Yes, I know supporting the farmers is worth it but I got to tell ya, we did the math and I think the farmer's at this patch are going to be just fine) so we decided to pick just ONE pumpkin and get the rest somewhere else (something we've yet to do) but I got to tell ya for someone who loves pumpkins this was yet another thing I had to let go.

By the time we loaded you back in the car and drove to that "perfect hay bail" spot we were all spent. I couldn't bare the thought of unloading the vent and all that goes with it one more time. So once again I just let it go.

As we drove away I thought about how this was never how I envisioned taking my child to a pumpkin patch. Towing a ventilator, caring an ambu bag was not what I had in mind. Then again during the very dark first few months of your life I could never imagine taking you to a pumpkin patch. Realizing this made me extremely grateful that we got to experience this with you.

All in all it was a successful trip. The fact that we even attempted to take you to the pumpkin patch was a feat worth celebrating.

Maybe next year we will get the shots of you sitting on a hay bail or waving on a tractor, and if we don't that's perfectly OK with me. You will always be picture perfect in my book, just as you are.

Love you my pumpkin bumpkin,
Mommy & Daddy too

Daddy, I don't think we're at home anymore. Is this Kansas?
Above: You're not going to leave me here, are you? Below: This is good as it gets.

Above: The scenery was the star in this photo session.

Below: We couldn't find anyone to take our picture (the ventilator has a way of repealing people) so we did it ourselves. Faith didn't get the memo to look up- she was still hoping someone else would come put us out of our misery and just take a picture so we could leave.

Daddy, how much longer is she going to make us do this?

Daddy's thinking the same thing...


Anonymous said...

You cracked me up! Everyone has done this with some holiday fevor and craziness. Time after time we have to learn to let go of expectations. You should write a book instead of selling pumkins for money!-Love, Aunt Libby

Dana said...

Your photos aren't bad they are good. You know I could totally relate. Who cares if the Santa pictures are bad, I need GOOD pumpkin patch pictures! Oh, the things we need as moms. The dreams. Once in a while it's o.k. to feel bad for what we miss. Sigh and dream of future patches. Another thought I have is that even if our children were able to get around a patch there is nothing to say they would be perfect for pictures either.

Hope said...

Your pictures are beautiful. I do have some bad news, even Moms with "normal kids" don't have wonderful waving from the tractor, smiling on the hay bail pictures. We get the screaming, asking for this, I want that!, but Mom, he did ..... type of days. We let it go pumpkin by pumpkin too. (Or in my dream, it's Easter egg by Easter egg since that's always my fav). Children have this little thing called free will and boy do they take advantage! LOL

Although having to bring a vent and ambu bag is another story altogether. People annoy me, I can't believe nobody offered to take a picture for your family. I'm sorry the day didn't turn out like you had originally wanted. And Faith looks adorable with her hair fixed and her glasses on.

Marissa said...

Letting go of certain dreams and expectations is never easy.

Just the fact that you can recognize that having Faith here to take to the pumpkin patch is a blessing. Too many people take too many things for granted. When we are able to take a step back and be grateful for the bigger things, like our kids being alive, it tends to take the sting out of the smaller things we have to let go.

I gotta tell ya, the picture of her looking at Brian cracks me up. The look on her face is so pitiful and I can totally see the thought bubble above her head where she is asking if he is going to leave her there!!!

Happy Halloween guys!


Anonymous said...

Aweee the old pumpkin patch..Is that the same one we went to when you got married and I had MUD GALORE on my new boots and walked in my socks in Starbucks..MAN that was so much fun!!

What perfect pictures..I ADORE them! look marvelous and gorgeous as usual!


We love ya
Aunt Susan, Uncle Mike (he leaves Monday for Iraq) Steve and Michelle

Ann said...

Jen, in spite of the pain and loss, you still manage to maintain your sense of humor. That tells me you are going to be okay. No, this isn't easy and some days it's not even remotely fun. But, you manage to keep things in perspective, you manage to laugh and you manage to share it all with us. You are remarkable.


Anonymous said...


I love the photos! Sometimes we just have to learn as moms to take what we can get. The twins are 2 and a half now and I have yet to get a decent picture of them and Tyler. You are not alone, our pumpkin patch pictures did not turn out like I had hoped either. I found the perfect spot for them to take the picture and as soon as we sat them down they lost it. Oh well! I think it's great that you took Faith out there and even though it didn't go as planned you made a memory. Faith is so cute and growing so much! You and Brian are doing such a great job! I can't wait to get out there to see you all again. I have a mission to try to get out there sometime in the next year. We'll see if it happens. Love you lots!

Mary Freeman

Tina said...

I can't tell that Faith didn't enjoy this; I think the pictures are cute. I know you know that she wasn’t very happy, but when you look back on these memories I don't think you'll remember that it wasn't picture perfect, or even what you had imagined. I think you will look back and be so grateful that you have the memory even though it was a lot of work to get it. I know sometimes is seems easier to not do things because seriously it is so much work to go anywhere, but honestly when we look back on these memories we will be so happy that we braved the storm and did it! Oh and I know what you mean about people looking at you like you have two heads when you have a child on a vent at a pumpkin patch, it’s like I want to say “they’re kids too, they should have the same experiences as other kids do.”
Happy Halloween!
Tina, Scott and Noel

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